Light Refreshments Served

Christian’s current claim to fame stems from the fact that he is Kacy’s husband. Frankly, I think he’s handling the attention very well. But long ago (more than 15 years!) when I first met Christian, I thought he looked like this guy. So did pretty much everyone else. Maybe that’s why he handles his current superstar spouse status so very well. It was his early brush with fame.

I’m thrilled to present our first male guest post, by Kacy’s husband, Neil… I mean, Christian. Thanks for being such a good sport.

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I’m not a creative person. Really, I’m not and I’m not just saying that so that someone who knows me and feels bad will comment, “Oh yes you are. Remember how you did that one thing once? That was creative.” I want it to be clear that I don’t mind not being creative. Maybe I’m going into too much detail about how uncreative I am, but I do this because in a high school English paper about me I once wrote that I was a nerd and my English teacher wrote a lot of nice things in the margin of my paper to help me feel like less of a nerd. I was disappointed because I thought it was cool to be a nerd. Is it not? (Don’t answer.)

Anyway, back to me not being creative. I really am not. In fact I read this article recently on one of my favorite blogs that made me realize that I’m more of the seargent-at-arms types. I can get things done as long as someone else comes up with the ideas. That being said, I have had this idea that I’d like to run past you. Be honest and don’t do any of that fake nice stuff in the comments because we uncreative types can handle brutal honesty.

So here is my idea. I want to be the director, producer, and star of a movie (or series of YouTube videos or maybe just a ward party movie) that is the opposite of Super Size Me. I’d call it MinifyMe or (because we have a WiiFit and that might make this more entertaining) maybe I’d call it MinifyWii but probably not because, after all, this isn’t a show about my Wii, it will be a show about Me. Here are a couple of the scenes (I think that’s what they call them in the biz).

The Baseline Scene: In this scene I will be doing what I do everyday so that people know where I started. So you’d see me grabbing a (super healthy) breakfast at Carl’s Jr., commuting to work, sitting at my desk until someone says, “Hey! Where should we eat?” Then you would see me debating whether or not this is a Chipotle day or a Millie’s day or a Paradise Bakery day or – well you get the picture. And repeat.

The Healthy Makeover Scene: Kacy always loves a good makeover scene so I know I would definitely want one of these. In this scene I would be trying out my new healthy lifestyle. I might get a pedometer and try to walk places. Or maybe I’d ride my bike to work (or at least pretend to – this might need to be a “special effect”). I could pack a lunch and eat celery and humus and no carbs and no Chipotle. Or, I could go raw. Ick. Whatever. This will make me rich I’m sure and I could go raw for a while – for my craft.

The “My Body is Changing” Scene: For this scene, I would wake up in the middle of the night and film this with my home video camera. It would just be me and I would have to look like I was in pain. I would talk about my (sorry Ladies) g-a-s. I hear that going raw will do that. But even if it doesn’t, going super healthy as suddenly as I plan to is bound to do something crazy to my body. And it could be hilarious. Healthy and hilarious.

The Doctor Scene: I would find one of those doctors that gives out beard cards to BYU students like they are candy. I’d get this doctor to warn me (on camera) to change back to my old ways because my system just can’t handle it or whatever.

The Cleanse: I am going to have to rely a lot on Kacy for this last part, but the idea is that I would need someone with Kacy’s cooking abilities to help ease me off all of the raw stuff. Bring on the chili mac for dinner with Del Taco for dessert. Hello sanity, I missed you.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I’d probably find some BYU film student looking for a summer project to tail me. I think I’d need an intern too. If you happen to be either of these leave your contact info in the comments and let’s get crazy.