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My husband home teaches Conan O’Brien. Well, he used to. What, you didn’t know he was LDS? Totally! He was referred by Gladys Knight. Not really. But my husband really did home teach a family whose son looked a lot like Conan O’Brien, minus a few inches. I kept waiting for him to tell me jokes at church, but he kept making insightful comments in Gospel Doctrine and I was like, “Dude, Conan, let loose man! It’s what you do!” Then I’d remember that he wasn’t actually a comedian, just a kid getting ready to go on a mission. Raising the bar!
Making celebrity comparisons with people I go to church with is a regular problem for me. A few months ago I was sitting in a 3rd row pew when a visiting speaker came and as he delivered his talk I mused about his striking similarity to the lead from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”. I didn’t have anyone next to me to laugh about it with since Cory was sitting on the stand, so I grabbed my program and wrote on the back, “When did Matthew Broderick join the church and move to Colorado?” and passed it to one of my former young women who sat in the row behind me. In my peripheral vision I saw her shoulders bobbing up and down, and I knew my work was done. Passing notes in church. How does no one see that they need to stop putting me in leadership positions?
A few weeks after that we went to the temple. You know, the place where we are supposed to be removed from all the cares of the world and focus on other, more important things? And I would have, except the temple worker who sat at the front bore an exceptional resemblance to Remy from “Ratatouille”, and I couldn’t get over it. How do you tell someone they remind you of a rat without hurting their feelings? Ummmm…you don’t.
In our new ward I am surrounded by celebrities. I met Julia Stiles on our very first Sunday, when I went up to her and asked, “Has anyone ever told you that you look EXACTLY like Julia Stiles?” She said, “Not in a long time!” “Well, you are a spitting image.” I walked away without even asking her real name, which I felt silly about later, so I tried to make up for it the next week by seeking her out. It’s Jen. Last week I saw Clay Aiken and Edmund from the “Chronicles of Narnia” passing the sacrament. On the stand yesterday was John Cleese. I was dying to ask him where they get all those cool gadgets for James Bond, or gallop past him while banging coconut shells together to see if he would get the Monty Python reference, or ask him if he really had a fish called Wanda, but I was pretty sure he wouldn’t get it and then I’d feel lame and he’d be like, “Who’s the new weird chick?” and they’d say, “No idea. She started showing up about a month ago and we can’t shake her.” “Huh,” he’d wonder. And then I bet he’d say, “She looks a lot like Jennifer Aniston.” Shut up, it could totally happen.
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Kacy says: There's a woman in my ward who looks like Madame Medusa from The Rescuers and one who looks exactly like Nathan Lane in drag. It really is uncanny.
Rachel says: We had an exact audio match for Reverend Lovejoy from the Simpsons in the stake presidency for awhile. When I first heard him I had to stiffle a giggle. It was distracting: it took 2 or 3 stake conferences before I started listening to his actual message, which was always outstanding.