The Young Women in my Ward asked me to participate in the Career Fair they’re doing for an activity this week. They asked me to present the career of “Homemaker.”
To be completely honest, I was a little taken back. I know they meant it as a compliment: to show that being a Stay at Home Mom is just as valid a choice as any other career, and they want to highlight it, I’m assuming, so those who come to the Fair will see it as a choice. What takes me back is that I don’t consider being a SAHM to be a career. I studied, worked hard, and had a career. Then I chose to shelf it to stay at home full-time. I don’t think it’s an occupation, it’s more than that (in so many ways. . .like, it never ends). I gave up something I loved for something I love more. I realize now, after staying home for 10+ years that my preparation and work in my career prepared me to be a SAHM. So, while I hope every woman will see the value in staying at home with their kids, I want to tell them that having a career or vocation will help them in that SAHM preparation.
I’m not interested in getting into a discussion about Stay-at-Home Mom’s versus Working Moms. I’m really sick of that conversation, honestly. I don’t think “SAHM’s” and “Working Mom’s” really pit themselves against each other that, and that the media and extremists are the ones who fuel that fire. The reality is that all mothers are working mothers, and that most of us are doing the best we can (and doing more than most men. There. I said it.) I do jobs on the side, when I can and when I want to, and I “teach” online courses, so does that make me a real SAHM? I’m not concerned with the answer to that.
That said, I made a conscious choice to stay at home with my kids full-time and prepared for it so I could. I feel very blessed (understatement) that I am able to do it and I don’t regret it or wish I was doing anything else. I realize that much of the confidence that I have in being a SAHM is that it was always a choice for me. I didn’t fall into it. I didn’t do it because I couldn’t think of anything else to do, or because my family or husband pressured me into it. If anything, I’ve had to repeatedly defend my “career choice” and in doing so I’m reminded of the power and influence in it. I don’t regret my decision.
So how do I present this to the YW without sounding preachy? How do I present the information that in order to prepare to be a SAHM, you should prepare for a career?
I’m an educated mom with a BS in Psychology that I use everyday (with the kids :)) I think the point is to be prepared - this is another area of preparation…for life, etc.
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Emily says: A couple of Webster's definitions of "career" are instructive to me in this regard: "a field for or pursuit of consecutive progressive achievement." (Is there a better definition of motherhood than that?) And the second: "a profession for which one trains and which is undertaken as a permanent calling." (I'm especially interested in the use of the word "calling." And there's nothing more "permanent"!)
Kristy says: In my home growing up, my mom played a huge role in setting the tone for the environment in our house. Like the old adage, "If mom's not happy, nobody's happy." About 5 years ago I heard someone advise me to "create an environment where you can enjoy being a mom" - as someone who loves to dance, I decided we needed more dancing in the house. So for a while we danced every night before going to bed. This supports the idea that motherhood doesn't look the same for everybody, and maybe you could point out that you've created an environment where you can enjoy it more for yourself, but that it doesn't look the same for everyone. The more they know and understand about themselves before becoming parents, the better chance they have at creating an environment where they can be happy doing it.