Phoebe is really into friends. As a kindergarten-nearly-graduate, she has just started to learn the way of the little girl social circuit. It’s not always an easy ride, full of queen bees and power struggles, but I’m proud of Phoebe for ending it all as “the nice girl who is friends with everyone.” (says the teacher aide) I hope she will always be like that. She has a first, second, and third “best friend” which is silly, and I wonder why we always want to categorize things like that. It’s interesting, and has me thinking about which ones will have a lasting impact on her.
Wendy Schwendy (Schwendiman) was my first friend. We met when we were two and had our 3 year-old birthday parties together because our birthdays are a day apart. We were baptized on the same day by my dad, went to jr. high and high school together in Nebraska, and then roomed together for 2 years at BYU. Wendy is a unique, invaluable, loyal friend, because, sincerely, how many friends do you have who have known you all of your life in all different settings? She’s known me through the awkward preteen days, lots of bad perms, nerdy dating, each and every pregnancy and new baby, all the way up till now. She helped me get ready for my very first date. She went through the temple with me for the first time. She came out and stayed with me for a week when I had my first child and I had no idea what I was doing. She didn’t have any kids yet and just sat in my living room and sewed and read while I napped in my bedroom. Who does that? I can’t even count how many inside jokes we have together. I can’t remember a time or an event that I didn’t share at least something with her.
We have a lot in common, but not everything. When we were little she was a total tomboy and wore the same red Rouseau Rams t-shirt and jean overalls. I always wore a dress, beads, headbands, etc as the ultimate girly girl. When it was time to play house, she was the dad and I was the mom. We never fought about it. Our friendship has made sense like that for some time now.
Cimony joined me and Wendy in grade school and we quickly became a trio. (Even though her birthday is in October, I always think of her on ours.) We called ourselves CiLiWe-ettes (silloutes) because we took the first two letters of each of our names. . . yeah, it sounds nerdy, but I assure you that in the fifth grade it made perfect sense. All of our parents were professors in one capacity or another, and were friends, so our families were all really close. We were Mormons, too, in a community with very few, so we went to Primary, YW, girls camp, seminary, dances, etc all together.
Cimony was, and always will be, that cool girl you really wanted to be like. She has a dry sense of humor, and is really smart. Best of all, Cim is that friend who will laugh at everything. She’s always egging you (me) on to lip sync a dumb song (anything Celine Dion or Bonnie Tyler) or do impressions of John and Marlena from Days of Our Lives, while she sits back and laughs at you (me), which, for a performer (again, me) is extremely satisfying. I know that I’m not half as funny as I think I am, but I don’t care because in my mind I know that it would make Cim laugh. And that’s all that matters. It’s like I have a permanent “Cim standard” in my head. She’s the friend who won’t ever fake it in front of you, who is always kind and never catty. She’s the kind who invites you to her house and will make her husband fix you gourmet food, let you sleep in. Again, she’s known me from grade school to junior high, to high school to college, to real life and babies and moves and jobs to now when we swap crazy stories about our kids and talk about how weird it is that we’re so old and we still think we’re 17 or something.
I think first friends stay in your head. I think they help you define what is funny, what is valuable, and what you want your future to be like. That’s why choosing friends wisely is so important, especially when you’re young, because they help define reality with you.
Now that I’m older and I’m still really close with Wendy and Cimony, I realize how (dare I say it. . .) special our relationships are. We are all in different states, living different, but eerily similar lives. From the tone in their voice, or picture over the internet, I can tell, a little bit, what they’re thinking, and I know they can do the same about me. I know that I can say one word or phrase, and we will be transformed back to a time when all we did was laugh. Who doesn’t want to live there? I mean, I’m sure I had some “problems” or “worried about stuff,” but I can’t remember any of that now.
Happy Birthday, Wendy and Cimony (in October)!!!
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