Have you ever decided the day before you go on vacation that it sure would be nice to have a new shirt or two to take on your trip? So you elected to try and fit shopping for clothes in between buying bug spray, $3 ponchos and unscented deodorant for your daughter who is going to need it for Girl’s Camp the day after you get back, and then you went into the clothing store and saw a super cute shirt on a mannequin the size of your pinky finger and thought, “Hey, that’s a cute shirt,” so you found it and tried it on only to be reminded that you are not, in fact, the same size as that mannequin and P.S. You don’t own any full length mirrors at home, and this is the first time in quite a while that you have seen yourself in disturbing 3-D, so you think, “Holy crap, I have GOT to go on a diet,” so you went home and printed up a plan for losing 30 pounds in the next three months, starting NOW, as in, HOURS BEFORE A FAMILY REUNION WHERE EATING IS THE PRIMARY COPING MECHANISM AND SEVERAL PANS OF BROWNIES WILL BE MADE, only to come home in a very foul mood to have your husband ask what seems to be the matter, and you say, “Three words: Full. Length. Mirrors.” And he goes, “Uh oh. What did you do that for?” and you say, “Because it’s been FOUR YEARS since I bought a new pair of jeans and because HI. WE’RE SUPPOSED TO GET OUR FAMILY PICTURES TAKEN, so it seemed like the right thing to do, but that was before I went to buy road trip food wherein I bought m&m’s for YOU and sugar free Jolly Ranchers and Slim Fast bars for ME.” And then you came home and eyed the vanilla and thought about packing it in your bag in case you need a midnight “snack” that’s technically not against your religion?
Yeah, me neither.
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