Light Refreshments Served

Emily

November 4th, 2009

In a bizarre twist of the kaleidoscope that is my life, I got called last Sunday to be our ward Young Women president.

I have served in the Young Women organization in our ward before. Beth, who was a Laurel at that time, has seven children now. So yeah, it’s been a while.

Do not get me wrong: I love young women. I was one, once. But yeah, it’s been a while. And you can almost see that in their eyes–this old lady is going to be our leader?

I’ve taught Gospel Doctrine for 6 years. I loved teaching Gospel Doctrine. I was comfortable teaching Gospel Doctrine. There is not one thing about working with the Young Women that I am comfortable with. For example, when I shop with my 18-year-old daughter, if I pull something off the rack to show her, she’ll invariably hate it (politely, of course), and conversely I will turn up my nose at just about anything she thinks is cute. I don’t know the styles. I don’t know the music. I barely speak the language. And not only can I not text, I don’t even have a cell phone from which TO text.

So I need help, and I need it now. What is the most fun or memorable YW activity you’ve participated in, either as a leader or as a young woman yourself? If you ever had an old lady as a Mutual leader, what did you appreciate most about her? Why am I here?

31 Responses to “Stop Laughing and Help Me!”

Grandmax22 says:

November 4th, 2009 at 9:31 am
Click your heels together, Dorothy, and say : “There’s no place like Young Women’s ! There’s no place like Young Women’s !”
Cuz, truly there isn’t ! It’ll either keep you young or make you die early !
rinngary89 says:

November 4th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Oh Emily, you will be GREAT!!!! I would love to have you as my daughters YW President!!

(and you are not old!)

Good activities our ward YW’s have done recently- brought clothes and accessories they no longer needed/wanted and exchanged. What was left was donated. A panel discussion, discussing the FSOY. (in character, to make it more interesting) And suddenly I’ve drawn a blank. I’ll get back to you if anything else comes to mind.
Kacy says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Your young women will learn many archaic practices from you–like communicating without texts. You will be great. I am excited for you, but more excited for your girls. They are lucky to have you.
Kristy says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Emily: First of all, I’m still trying to obey your first request as stated in your post title. Give me a second. Okay, now I’m good. First of all, you already have what I believe are the two most helpful qualities when working with young women. 1) A sense of humor and, 2) the ability to BE REAL. We don’t have to play games with these girls, and they really appreciate it when we give it to them straight because they see through it when we try to tiptoe around topics of importance. Finally, you are approachable which is a huge advantage because girls don’t care what you look like, how old you are, or whether you are missing limbs – if you show a genuine interest in them and their lives they will eat it up. Teenagers love to talk about themselves (but you know that already, right?) One last thing that I think has been effective in the past (and it might depend on the number of YW you have – if you have a ton, it might be too crazy) is on Sundays during your opening/welcoming segment to ask the girls if they have anything they want to share from their week. There’s usually a lot going on in their busy lives, and they love to talk about it. Don’t worry, you’re going to be great!
tarynberry says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I agree with Kristy. The young women leader that had the biggest impact on my life had the ability to be real, and she was very approachable. She made us feel like she was our friend, not a disconnected authority-figure. We had sleep-overs at her house, she would talk to us on our level, and she wasn’t afraid to be a part of our lives. Just relax and be yourself– and have fun with it. I need to slip my bishop a note to put me in Young Womens, I would love it!
suzannie says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:25 am
This quote was originally about RS but I think it applies even more to YW’s….“It is time to get out of the entertainment business and into the business of salvation.”—Julie B. Beck
gerb says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am
My favorite-of-all-time YW leader was my favorite because she took the time to get to know each of us and our circumstances. When I was rebellious and skipped church to lay out at out apartment pool in my bikini she had no qualms about coming over, pulling up a lounge chair and filling me on on what I’d missed – complete with a handout and treat. She did that a couple of times before I realized that she genuinely loved me and wanted me there at church. My favorite activity? Learning to make pies. (But I’m old.)
gerb says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:39 am
That second ‘out’ should be ‘our’.
emilylf says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:45 am
My favorite young womens leaders (now) are the ones that didn’t try to be my friend. The ones that brought the spirit, taught the gospel, and set good examples. I think it’s ridiculous when the leaders are adding the YW on facebook and texting them twelve times a day. They’re not your best friends, and you’re not supposed to be theirs. I’m not saying it’s wrong to be friendly and kind, but they have enough friends. They need someone to teach them the gospel. So those leaders weren’t always my favorite when I was actually IN YW, but when I think back now, those were by far the best leaders/teachers I ever had–the ones that actually taught. My sister was recently called as YW pres as well and I know it’s a very huge, time-consuming calling. I hope you enjoy it!
amilialyn says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I am in the YW right now, and I have noticed a huge difference in how my leaders handled things and how the leaders now handle things. I am not saying one is better than the other, but my only suggestion is to let the young women plan all of their own activities. You are there as a guide, to help them when they need it. I remember we would plan activities, and occasionally our leaders would nudge us in the direction of service. Or we would plan a Personal Progress activity/movie night. It was a lot of fun and I loved it! The YW in my ward really don’t have any say in what activities they do, and I have noticed there is less attendance, and eagerness to go to the activities.

So, that is my suggestion for what it is worth. Good luck, and have fun! YW is the best!
handsfullmom says:

November 4th, 2009 at 11:24 am
My best young women leader was when I was a Beehive. I was the president at the tender age of 12. We’d have meetings and she would sit there and wait for me to take charge. She’d give me hints about what we still needed to plan, but mostly, she just sat back and let me do it! It was intimidating, but really life-changing to realize that *I* could plan the activities, make assignments, follow-through, etc. It really taught me responsibility and made my life better.
momtolindy says:

November 4th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
I don’t think I could serve in YW without texting. I had never texted before I was called into YW a year ago, but that changed quickly. I had to get unlimited texting on my cell phone plan because it is so useful. The girls don’t answer the phone, but they will answer a text in minutes. In fact, a couple of times I have texted them to tell them to call me because we needed to talk We still have plenty of old fashioned communication when we are together, but when I need to get in touch with them during the week, texting is the only way to go!
beckilou says:

November 4th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
All of my favorite young women’s leaders were older. It wasn’t so much about being hip or being cool or awesome activities, but they did everything they could to simply show that they actually cared. They’d talk to us about our lives, the gospel and how it all fit together (but they weren’t always so focused on the gospel and on doctrine that we felt that was all we could talk to them about). On the other hand I had some less than great young leaders. I felt like the older ones weren’t as busy raising their families and figuring life out so they had more time and energy to show they cared.

So my advice is just to have fun and try to understand where the girls are coming from.

Oh, and my mom is an excellent “older” yw leader. Her girls have tried probably hundreds of times to teach her how to text (as have I) and she’ll never ever be able to do it. Yet they still love her, so if you can’t cross it, just embrace the technology gap.
eveypeevy says:

November 4th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Best activity idea of late: the girls begged my friend CJ–(new YW prez) to let them have a Mommy Make-over night. This is where they get to make-over their mothers! I love the idea! The girls had to choose clothes from their house and they got to do the hair and make-up on their mothers and retool their outfit.
angie f says:

November 4th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
My two most favorite YW leaders were rather overweight and definitely uncool. But they were real. They really love me and are some of my dearest friends still today–20+ years from HS graduation. They also were not at all afraid of calling us out on our unacceptable behavior and asking if we had prayed about our life decisions (college, etc). Even though they weren’t even remotely trendy or cool, they were fun and we knew that they knew that the gospel is true. I love the idea of the leaders letting the girls do all the planning and serve instead as the advisors they are called to be.
spicy1921 says:

November 4th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Once when I was a YW, this happened to me. A very old woman (50s) was our new president. I would suggest being what the YW don’t expect. Be youthful and fun.
Steph @ Diapers and Divinity says:

November 4th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
I second Kristy’s comment. And I think you’ll be great. My absolute favorite quote about teaching youth: (Boyd K. Packer quoting J. Reuben Clark)

“President (J. Reuben) Clark described youth as ‘hungry for things of the Spirit [and] eager to learn the gospel.’ He said: ‘They want it straight, undiluted. They want to know … about our beliefs; they want to gain testimonies of their truth. They are not now doubters but inquirers, seekers after truth.’ President Clark continued: ‘You do not have to sneak up behind this spiritually experienced youth and whisper religion in [their] ears; you can come right out, face to face, and talk with [them]. … You can bring these truths to [them] openly. … There is no need for gradual approaches.’ Since then I have taught young people in the same way that I teach adults.’ — President Boyd K. Packer, April 2009

And I’ve been YW pres. before and loved it, but I have to admit that Gospel Doctrine teacher is the BEST calling in the church. I’d die happy if it were my lifetime calling. (It’s not. I’m in Stake YW now.)
aubrey says:

November 4th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
YW is really a lot of fun! And you will be great. My most favorite and memorable leader was one that was brand new to the church and a mom of little boys. She wasn’t cute, or thin, or trendy, or anything that you might think you need to be. She was genuine. And let us be genuine. She genuinely liked me for me. (And that’s saying a lot cuz she told me that up until she joined the church and met the teenage girls in the ward, she did NOT like teenage girls…she thought they were petty and mean.)
So just be you, and let them be them. And get to know them and what they like. And share your love of chocoate with them. And that’s all you really need to do. And you will be able show them that texting is not a necessity of life. And you can ask them to show you HOW to text. They will think that’s fun.
There is a treasure trove of fun activity ideas online.
Have fun!
dela1818 says:

November 4th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
Emily, can I move into your ward so my babies can have you as a YW leader? You’ll do awesome! It’s funny, because you were just mentioning how much you loved your calling. I guess the bishop must have seen it and thought it was time for you to “grow”.

My favorite YW leader was when I was a Beehive. She was “older” and soft-spoken (she didn’t want us to go home and tell our parents that she had used the word “bum”), and she was an excellent baker. We did a lot of baking with her. Yum! I kept in contact-ish with her and she came to my bridal shower where she gave me a pie pan, rolling pin, etc. I loved it and I looked over at her and all of the sudden I was emotional. “You taught me how to make pies!” She got teary eyed too and together we cried over pies. I was so grateful for her quiet love and testimony all those years.

Sorry, that was long, but I think you get the point. Just love your girls, and they will love you back.
grannybabs says:

November 4th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
I was a YW Pres for 4 years when I was 52 years old – until I was 56. I don’t know if I was cool or not, but my own two younger daughters were in the program then – and at one point, Kacy was one of my counselors – and a good one too, I might add.

We were a small group – maybe 15 active girls total – and had 10 to 12 in attendance fairly regularly. I had a 15 passenger van – and once we went to the temple to do baptisms – and on the way home,we started singing Primary songs – after that, every girl wanted to go and do baptisms!!

My daughter claims that texting is the only way she could get in touch with her YW – so it’s not a bad idea. But you do need to maintain your role as the adult in the mix – kids get confused at adults who are too much like a teen.

I did a weekly newsletter – I tried having YW do it, but they never caught on, so I did it – and used it kind of like a “bully pulpit” and it was pretty effective. I would spotlight a girl each week, report on the doings of the YW in the ward – and the YM for that matter – and I’d often “pontificate” on something – but it seemed to work. The best thing about it was that I could just send it off or drop it by a YW who had been absent – and it didn’t seem intrusive or pushy. One YW called me one week when I hadn’t sent it to her!! And another less active YW said, when I called to invite her to an activity, “Oh yeah, I read about that in your newsletter. Maybe I would like to come.”

It was a way to connect – and connection is what it’s all about. In this day and age of fleeting cyberspace communication, a newsletter in hand might have merit. I do one as R.S. President in my stake – and get positive feedback regularly.
Janet says:

November 4th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I was released as YW Pres a year ago and I’m still in mourning. I love everything about being with the YW and the YW program. My first suggestion is: get a cell phone and learn to text. The YW will think you’re cool and they’ll actually answer when you text them. The most important thing is just to love them!
Rae says:

November 5th, 2009 at 9:15 am
I’ve been YW Pres for a year now. It’s overwhelming. Totally overwhelming. Oh, and emotional. Totaly emotional. It’s also completely wonderful. All of it. Even Girl’s Camp.

Advice? Check your ego at the door, and be ready, willing and able to make a total fool of yourself on a weekly basis. Put the responsibility for activity planning on the girls, but don’t let yourself get too frustrated when they fail to follow through or you’ll go insane the first month. Allow them to fail, and resist the urge to take over for them. It’s hard to do, but so important!

If you don’t text, at least join Facebook and don’t be shy about friend requesting each and every one of your YW.

I echo the sentiments expressed about how wonderful you’re going to be. I don’t know you personally, but I know how talented you are and those talents will serve you well as you serve the young women.
rinngary89 says:

November 5th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
All such good advice. I love the newsletter. Something I did similar was a YW’s blog. It was private and only the YW and their parents and Bishop was invited. I didn’t do so well, I didn’t keep it up, but I think I should have. I posted pictures from activities so they could snag them for facebook. (but I never put them on facebook) It was also something that YW who were missing Sunday’s or week night activities could go to and see what they had missed.

I think it was great, when I did it, and would have been very successful if I had stuck to it.
SisterSis says:

November 5th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I have never been in the YW (besides when I was there) but My husband is the YM Pres. and the things he is always thanked for is attending as many activities the YM are involved with. My kids are too little to be in YW/YM so we are costatly going. I think it gives those boys a small reminder that he cares and supports them and is around if they need him. Maybe this is something you could try to do too.

I remember my leaders clipping newspaper articles that showcased me or the activities I was involved with- she must have bought hundreds keeping up with us all- but I remember this- it was meaningful to know she was thinking of me.

You’ll do great! You know He only calls those who are needed.
emily j says:

November 5th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
I have many fond memories of one particular YW leader. She was honest, sincere, FUN, and very thoughtful. I still have a handwritten letter that she gave me after singing at a YW meeting. The words in that letter had a big part in much of my adolescence and early-adulthood. The lessons she taught helped me find my testimony. My experiences in YW, particularly with this leader, led me to my choice of college, career, and spouse. This leader treated us all as daughters of God, and expected us to act as such. Mutual respect is a powerful thing.
cuteculturechick says:

November 6th, 2009 at 6:59 am
We had a combined activity with the young men, and it was a lip sync contest. We sang “Look and Me I’m Sandra Dee” from Grease, and our leader though it would be better to yell out “AWESOME with virginity.” (instead of lousy) Didn’t go over so well with the bishopric…
Juliema says:

November 7th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Get on facebook right now. Be fb friends with all your young women. (Have someone tell you all about it so you don’t make any major misteps like thinking you are writing to a person but your are actually broadcasting to everyone–a common error when geezers –over age 20–join.)
Get a perfect camp committee–I mean release people from Stake callings if you have to. Don’t take a chance on a leader going to camp–if you have a doubt don’t have her go. Stack the deck. Camp is crucial.
alison says:

November 8th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
I’d say that 90% of my YW leaders were “older” (as in, their youngest kids were my age or older) and I adored each one of them. I can’ put my finger on why exactly, but I’ll tell you this – I have a good friend who told me one of the reasons she hated YW as a Laurel was because her leaders (”young” ones) were always talking about raising kids and having babies. She didn’t appreciate that.
Tanya says:

November 9th, 2009 at 12:59 am
Emily, I know you will be wonderful. You are humble and have a great sense of humor and are willing to laugh at yourself and most importantly you have a strong testimony and you love the Lord. Those are the most important requirements. When my dad was bishop he called a new YW president that was in her 80s. And she went to camp!! Her children (who were significantly older than my dad) were HORRIFIED!! They said “She has a heart condition!” but she was fantastic. She was easily older than most of the girls’ grandparents, but she loved them and served them and they knew it.

We got a new stake president today. He said when he was told he had a few minutes to decide on counselors the full weight of everything hit him and he told his wife “I don’t think I can do this”. It made me wonder if there is anyone called to be president of any organization who doesn’t think that. I think it helps us be humble and rely on the Lord more. After a year and a half I still have days where I think “I am the RS president?? Really?? How did that happen?” but I try to just do my best and people tell me I’m doing great and I smile and think they are crazy. Good luck, I know you really will be great (and I’m not crazy!)
Elizabeth says:

November 10th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
You’ve gotten tons of great advice from all the previous commenters. I think every calling is the same and different. You bring your innate goodness, testimony and gifts to the table and be your best self. There is a reason why you were called–for some girl, some situation, some person. My YW Pres was the same sister from Beehive to Laurels. She had no children of her own, was very quiet and not flashy. She is one person I consider to have been at the crossroads of my life, helping and loving me. She loved us and really cared about us. I think THAT is the main gift you can offer: love.
sarahlucy says:

November 22nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Okay, I just HAVE to make a comment on this, especially because I’ve only been out of young womens for like 4 years. There seems to be a big divide between being the girl’s friend and teaching them gospel principles. Emily said, “My favorite young womens leaders (now) are the ones that didn’t try to be my friend. The ones that brought the spirit, taught the gospel, and set good examples.” I totally don’t understand this. Why can’t you be a friend AND teach them the gospel? That is exactly what I needed and wanted when I was in young womens: teaching real gospel principles with the spirit, AND friendship and love. I loved the leaders who hung out with us (and I wish they had done that more) and I don’t think that the friendship even interfered with their teaching gospel principles. Emily also said that the young women have enough friends, and I have to say that when I was in high school that just wasn’t true. I had some friends, and I’m sure my leaders assumed I was well-adjusted, but I didn’t have close, real friends, and I was very lonely much of the time. I wish my leaders had been closer with us–I would have loved to have sleep overs and such. I have to say that looking back I remember and value more the love and affection of my leaders than their lessons. This is probably because as a teenager I was starved for love: I wasn’t getting it at home (another thing my young womens leaders weren’t aware of.)

Anyway, my point is I think there’s nothing wrong with adding your girls on facebook and texting them AND teaching them real gospel principles. As another commenter said we should definitely stay out of the business of entertainment and in the business of salvation, but one of the most important doctrines of salvation is love, and many teenagers are starved for that. And even if they aren’t, if you are an intimate friend you will be able to learn what they need and give them counsel for their specific circumstances.

That’s my two cents, anyway.

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