Light Refreshments Served

Off to a Great Start

Emily November 20th, 2009

Okay, so I’m pretty sure I’ve already driven two girls out of our YW program because I made them have a ride home on Wednesday night instead of “walking home with the boys.” I did this because LAST week when they were supposedly “walking home with the boys,” I ended up walking home right behind the boys, and those girls were decidedly NOT with them. Ours is not a neighborhood I feel good about allowing 13-year-old girls to walk alone in after dark. So I put my foot down. After many murderous looks and a lot of muttering, they finally deigned to be driven home by my counselor.

Is this a hill worth dying on? Or am I locked in a power struggle I have no chance of winning? What would YOU do?

1. Susan says:
   
   November 20th, 2009 at 7:55 pm

   Go with your instincts. As their Young Women leader, you are entitled to spiritual promptings regarding their safety (physical, emotional, and all other ways). That is something that even the toughest 13 year old attitude cannot overcome.

2. Green Jello says:
   
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

   I would ask their parents if they are OK with them walking home or if they would like you to give them a ride. Then you know what mom and dad want.

3. emilylf says:
   
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:20 pm

   Yeah, I’m with Green Jello. Go with the parents.

4. vennesa says:
   
   November 20th, 2009 at 8:57 pm

   I agree, let the parents be the bad guys. As a parent of a 12 year old. I’d insist they ride after dark.

5. mormonhermitmom says:
   
   November 20th, 2009 at 11:15 pm

   Straight up, they ride with an adult!

6. brenneth says:
   
   November 21st, 2009 at 1:39 am

   Our leader always gave us rides home, no matter what. There was no choice, no discussion. It was a leader, or our mom’s. We all lived through it, your girls will too.

7. rocslinger says:
   
   November 21st, 2009 at 2:20 am

   I am so totally with you, Excellent call. As the father of a soon to be thirteen year old girl I am very appreciative of your concern. If something were to happen to these young women recriminations would be far worse than the discomfort you feel about your decision today. Your charges will see things different when they have daughters of there own.

8. bobbilu says:
   
   November 21st, 2009 at 8:30 am

   You did the right thing! I want to know where the parents are? Why aren’t they picking up their kids or arranging a carpool?

9. Lindsay says:
   
   November 21st, 2009 at 10:59 am

   They are the ones that didn’t walk home with the boys like they said, so really, this is their own fault.

10. mimi says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 11:00 am

    OK let’s be reasonable here – are we talking about walking home 10 miles uphill both ways in 3 feet of snow or 2 blocks away? I was a “walk home” kind of girl because I live in Utah and let’s face it, the church was NEVER farther than 1/2 mile from my house…through neighborhoods full of people I knew well. I guess ultimately I’d let the parents be the bad guys, but only because they know how far they live AND how they feel about their kids walking…..

11. angie f says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 11:49 am

    Now granted, my oldest daughter is only 10 (nearly eleven, she would have me remind you), but she has already perfected the murderous-someone-must-die-for-this-indignity-I’m-being-made-to-endure look. I have always been of the opinion that such a look means I’m doing the right thing. I would probably run it by the parents for a general rule, but I agree with Lindsay–they lost your trust by failing to do as they represented to you. Trust must be re-earned once lost.

    If the girls’ parents are willing to let them sink into inactivity over being forced to ride home from YW in a car, then you have far bigger problems than young teen death looks. Good luck. It is a noble (and probably terrifying, it would be for me) thing you are doing.

12. allybally says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    Truthfully I live in a great neighborhood. It’s an affluent area and the neighbors all know each other. But when my 13 year old neighbor who lives 2 houses down babysits my kids my husband still walks her too and from. Even in our really nice area a neighbor was attacked when she was out walking when it was dark. You made the right choice.

13. shaun says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 12:45 pm

    I’m with bobbilu–where are the parents? When did it become the responsibility of the leaders to take the kids home? Can you talk to each of the parents and share your feelings of concern for their daughter’s safety walking home and ask that they come and pick their daughters up?

14. fitzmom says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    You go girl! You are absolutely correct in your actions. I was just recently released as YW President. I had the same issue with girls walking home, in the dark, in a neighborhood that is close to a homeless shelter. Our neighborhood is great, but it would only take one incident to ruin someones life. I told the girls that if I had permission from their parents (given to me by the parent), then they could walk home. That way I knew that I had at least done my part. Wouldn’t help if something did happen though. Good luck!!

15. okgal says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    I feel as a leader that the teens are in my care until I know that they are home safe. I take them home after the activities I would talk to all the parents and see want they like. Then you have a plan for all the young women.

16. Kristy says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    I don’t think you’re going to die on this hill, but even if it was a possibility I would say it’s worth the fight. I don’t think you have to ask the parents’ permission to be strict about it either!

17. rinngary89 says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    I wouldn’t want that on my conscious, you know…. if something happened.

    Safety first!

    Our church leaders are always reminding us, and putting rules in place, for our safety.

18. K2cole says:
    
    November 21st, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    I would explain (and have – see Brenneth) I love them so much I would just DIE if anything happened to them on the way home and I could have prevented it. What can you say to undying love? Not only that but then I get to decide when the activity is over and don’t have to wait around on busy moms to come and pick them up. As far as I can remember the handbook says we are incharge of them while they are at an activity – that means beginning to end. They will live and stay active.

19. christy says:
    
    November 22nd, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    I am with Shaun and Bobbilu – parents need to be making sure those girls get picked up or escorted home. As the wife of a long time scoutmaster/ym leader, I got very annoyed when the parents just expected my husband to bring all their sons home because they didn’t want to go back out to pick up at 8:30 when we finished. (no one in our ward lives close enough to the building to walk.)

20. sharon says:
    
    November 23rd, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    Since you’re new to this calling, it’s a perfect time to instigate a new policy! When I was in YW, we lived VERY far from the ward building (it was in Louisiana and about a 30 min. drive) and every year or so, the Young Women and parents met with the leaders to go over these types of logistics–expectations, rides, activities, camp, personal progress, etc. I think you’re totally within your right to do so as their Young Women’s President. You have the best of intentions, go with it.

21. WriterMama says:
    
    November 24th, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    Parent’s permission or not, I personally would feel better if I knew the girls were safe and sound at home, and would appreciate if someone was watching out for my daughter as well. If you are willing to drive them, I’d insist on it. Maybe tell the parents that is your policy: if the parents aren’t there by the end of the activity, you will be taking the girls home and watch them walk safely into their homes. Some parents, sadly enough, are naive or don’t care as much as you do. As a woman who was assaulted by an LDS boy when I was 13 (walking home from seminary!), trust me, it is WORTH every single caring adult in the life of a YW.

    Good for you. Battle that hill! Someday they will thank you.

22. pattyann says:
    
    November 25th, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    I think this is a hill worth dying on!! One of my daughters is 13 and she NEVER walks home from church, alone or otherwise. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a safe society. Having been down that awful road myself, I would never wish those things on any other young girl. I would talk to the Bishop and try to get his support on requiring that the kids carpool or are picked up by a parent. However, if the parent doesn’t show, I would be driving them home, pouting or not. Let them pout. At some point in their lives, they might realize what you did for them. And even if they don’t, you know! These girls are worth the fight even if they don’t know it yet!

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment. First time users must register before logging in.