Jury duty. I was summoned last week to report to the County Courthouse. I know it is supposed to be a privilege and everything, but let’s face it. Jury duty is a pain and I had SO MUCH I NEEDED TO DO THAT DAY that I was just crossing my fingers I wouldn’t get picked. Either way, I would have to drive across town to learn my fate. The temperatures were barely in the single digits, warm enough to cause a buildup of backsplash on my windshield but cold enough that trying to clean it off with the windshield wiper fluid proved catastrophic. The roads were icy, I could barely see out my windows, and I was driving on bald tires that I have been procrastinating replacing because DO YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE NEW TIRES ARE? I suppose not as expensive as Cory having to get a new wife if I died in a car crash. And then, I wonder if it would take Cory more than 20 minutes to get remarried? And if I died on the way to jury duty, would there be trumpets and flags at my funeral? Focus, Kristy. FOCUS. I eventually made it to the parking lot of the courthouse, but had to sit for a few minutes before getting out so I could take a deep breath and relax. Hello, I just barely escaped death! I don’t know whether to congratulate or apologize to Cory.
There was a very long line to go through the metal detectors, so we wound back and forth, passing the same people every few minutes as we made our way to the front. An elderly, Korean man had a knife on his key ring and Mrs. Security was NOT HAPPY about it. He had to take them back to his car where he was to lock them inside and I wanted to remind him on his way out, “Take the knife off first! Don’t lock your keys inside!” Because I had had a tough morning already and I didn’t want others suffering too. Remember? I ALMOST DIED. Another woman was in line with a toddler in a stroller. I pulled out my jury summons, which clearly stated on the back, “If you do not have childcare for your child, DO NOT bring your children to jury duty with you.” I thought about showing it to her when we passed by each other for the 17th time but I decided it wasn’t my business. Another woman that I kept passing had quiet tears streaming down her face the whole time. It made me sad, and I kept wanting to say, “Listen, I know there’s no roller coaster at the end of this line but it’s going to be okay!!”
We eventually made it into the courtroom where it was jam packed with people, warm bodies braving the cold elements in hopes of being released soon to get back to our lives. There were 85 of us there, and 50 were being called back. The judge started naming names, “Cynthia White, Kori Blankenship, Ron Hughes,” I crossed my fingers and chanted silently, please don’t pick me, please don’t pick me. I am shameful, I know this. “David Robertson, Marsha Johnson, Mike Smith,” and then, “well ladies and gentlemen, it looks like we have a celebrity with us today, next up is Vannah White.” And then I think the judge was tempted to say, “Come on down!” but then she probably remembered that that was the wrong game show. The lady next to me was called up, and let her joy be known with a heavy sigh. The other lady next me was also called up, and probably would have let out a heavy sigh too but I think her nose ring got in the way. In the end, I was not picked! And I was very happy, and then the heavy sigh lady looked over at me with covetous eyes and said, “Enjoy your day,” and as she got up to exit the aisle, she hobbled past me on her crutches. *hangs head in shame* Poor heavy sigh lady.
I wonder though, do you think if Vannah White makes it to the jury box that the defendant will ask her if he can buy a vowel?
maybe.
Anyway, my name was called, I spent the afternoon listening to the judge ask questions to all the people in front of me, only to learn that most of our society must have huge DUI and drug problems because since that’s what the case was about, everyone was getting up and saying that they couldn’t serve because of their several DUI, etc. Actually, I was glad they left before me because then I knew that they weren’t driving near me on the way home. 
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