In the last few weeks I’ve been surrounded by a lot of Mormons. First I went to Utah, and last night I got back from a few sunny days at my sister’s house in Mesa, Arizona – the kind of place where your dentist is your stake president and the kid working behind the counter at the movie theater is the same kid who will pass you the sacrament the next day. Friday night we ate Mexican food at a place called Tia Rosa’s and as soon as we walked in we spotted more than one group where the men wore suits and ties and the women were in their Sunday best, seemingly fresh out of a temple session and basking in the joy of fresh chips and salsa. Anyway, here are a few trip highlights:
- When I was going through security at the Denver Airport I think the TSA guy developed a crush on me because the metal detector kept going off and he kept asking me to take eliminate more clothes. *beep*beep* “Sorry ma’am you’re going to have to remove your jacket.” My “jacket” was a sweater – good thing I was wearing a full t-shirt underneath. Try again. *beep*beep* “Sorry ma’am you’re going to have to take off your belt.” Try again. *beep*beep* I was getting frustrated and said, “I don’t have anything more metal on me!” “Try your earrings,” he suggested. I removed my earrings and stuck them in the dish and tried to go through again, but as I approached the threshold the TSA guy said, “Ma’am, I’m sorry but you still have your pants on.” I’ve been told not to mess with those TSA people because let’s face it, with the authority to frisk you and revoke flying privileges I really want to be their friend. So I looked at the guy blankly and then he started to laugh, “I’m just kidding ma’am, you’re good to go.” I guess it was the earrings because I finally made it through without any beeping. And then the TSA guy asked for my phone number. Just kidding.
- When we finally got on the plane the guy sitting behind my teenage daughter almost got arrested. He called the flight attendant a bad word, then when she tried to kick him off he refused. They called the supervisor, threatened to call police, and eventually he complied. Exciting!
- I want to be sure that the reference to fresh chips and salsa gets proper attention (heaven forbid it be overshadowed by the suggestion of temple worship – priorities!). Thin, crispy, salty, and hot off the press, the chips made me very happy. And I bet that group had a very spiritually uplifting temple session.
- Two movies in two days. I love movies. Some people think they are a waste of money but these people have obviously never watched Josh Duhamel for two hours on the big screen. Hi Josh. In a couple of months I will need someone to mow my lawn. Are you free?
- Freshly picked oranges EVERY. DAY. My sister has several orange trees on her property and it just so happens that they are all in season. I don’t know, there’s just something about picking fresh food off a tree that makes me want to wear Birkenstocks and sunbathe in the nude to Bob Marley.
- So far in this post I have made two nude references and ogled over a male celebrity. I’m blaming hormone replacement therapy.
- Met up with a friend and reminded her who is boss when it comes to Nurts. To her credit she holds all the cards when playing Disney Scene It and dominated in Canasta, but only because she changed the rules when she found out she was losing. Oh well, what else do you expect from an adult who prefers Ring Pops to Reese’s peanut butter cups?
- Watched my daughter zip around the house on my nephew’s plasma car. Have you seen these things? If you have a lot of hard wood or tile in your house and little kids (or not so little kids – the things handle up to 250 lbs) these toys are hilarious. My nephew zipped around like Dale Earnhardt on crack cocaine and the only thing he ever hit was his stride.
- January. 72 degrees. Short sleeves. Windows down. The End.
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