Light Refreshments Served

Discombobulated . . . and Yet, All Amazed

Emily February 9th, 2010 help from heaven

I have been caught in a bizarre spiral in which every area of my life seems to be sort of out of control. Work: WAAAAAY behind on numerous projects, without even the ability to predict HOW I will accomplish them. Home: All my adult children seem to be cycling through with needs–car trouble, a death in the in-laws’ family, roommate struggles. Church: I’ll admit it, YW is kicking my trash. After slightly over three months, I still feel  ill-suited for this calling.

I realized how badly I was doing when I spent about three minutes this morning trying to force a reluctant key into the ignition before I finally realized I was trying to start the wrong car. (Or rather, right car, wrong key.)

It’s kind of starting to freak me out.

And yet–last week, when I really, truly, desperately needed it, miraculously I was able to work uninterrupted in my office for several hours at a stretch on several continuous days. Some meetings even got cancelled. That NEVER happens. But it did, and it happened for long enough that now, suddenly, I can see a faint flicker of daylight again in the deadline tunnel.

And yesterday, when I was wandering to the craft store trying to find material for a gold flag to add to our YW values collection, which we need for New Beginnings TOMORROW, I not only found some darling quilting quarters with which I can make whole new, much cuter flags, but I had a brain flash about the refreshments and also a friend told me how I could create gold cupcakes so we can have ALL the value colors. (I would just like to add peripherally that although gold seems like a great color for virtue, it is difficult to incorporate on many levels.) And I had enough strength to bake a hundred cupcakes so the girls can come over and frost them in those value colors tonight in preparation for New Beginnings TOMORROW, so I might just live through it in time to move on to our combined-activity Olympics Night next Wednesday.

What I’m saying is, I seem to get the inspiration or the time or the energy I need, right at the very hour when I need it. I rarely have it any earlier, and it never lasts any longer, but the Daily Bread is there This Day. Every time. And for that grace, I stand all amazed.

1. emilylf says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 1:34 pm

   I am always given the ability to fulfill my calling somehow. Even when I’m in waaay over my head–like when I was camp director last year, and had just found out I was pregnant and was so sick…and I’m NOT a camper. Somehow I got all the help I needed in the minute I needed it. Amazing how that works.

2. momnstuff says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 1:59 pm

   My friend just emailed me. The email said, “I heart Emily Watts.” Amen to that!

   And to your comments!

3. mormonhermitmom says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 2:27 pm

   Well, I do the wrong key thing too. I hope I know what to do when den meeting happens Tomorrow. I think I’m prepared, but are we ever really?

4. wifeoferp says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 2:39 pm

   I am not meaning this as a criticism, more of a “why do Mormon women do this to themselves?” Because I seem to be one of those who don’t… that said, why, if you have so much going on that it is all piled on you, would you decide to get fabric to make new flags. Is it really going to matter to anyone that much? I think often times we want everything to be just how we want it, when we could make our work load easier by letting things be fine just as they are.
   When I was the enrichment leader, I decided we all had better things to do than make cutesy invitations and over decorate. No one seemed to mind. Everyone that came still seemed to have fun, and my committee and I were able to focus on the things that seemed most important to us, which were the actual service projects that the women were going to be working on.
   Of course, maybe this is why my tenure was so short! Haha

5. mariannemarguerite says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 3:25 pm

   To wifeoferp: I hear you, but I think it comes down to personality. I’m an over-loader. I do it because for whatever reason, even with the stress, it brings me a modicum of joy. It’s just how I roll. I’ve tried the “less is more” route and it just doesn’t work for me. I love a good craft night. I think a lot of people do. In our ward we’ve taken to doing crafts as “girls nights” outside of church. It puts less stress on the enrichment counselors and the people that aren’t into crafts don’t have to come. Everyone is invited though. I think it works pretty well. But I can see where someone might say, “Why make new flags?” And to me I think, “Yay! New cute flags!” Again, it may just be how we are wired. I dislike that it might make others feel pressured though. No answer there.

6. Emily says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 3:37 pm

   I should for sure clarify that when I saw the material I instantly abandoned the idea of having the flags in time for New Beginnings. It was more a “creative impulse” than a “have-to-do.” And the thought brought me joy, so I leapt on it. It’s funny, because that sort of thing doesn’t make me feel pressured. That’s probably why I GET so pressured, because I keep adding things that in and of themselves are not pressure-filled, but that cumulatively weigh me down.
   One time when I was apologizing for yelling at my daughter, I told her, “It wasn’t your fault, honey. It was just the last straw.” She looked at me inquiringly and asked, “What was the first straw, Mom?” Yeah. She was eleven. Scary.
   Hmmm. I wonder if this innocuous-seeming purchase of material is actually a “first straw.” Or is it , rather, a creative release that makes the other straws bearable, an aspect of my frustrating calling that I actually have some control over? I don’t know the answer to that one.

7. rinngary89 says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 3:42 pm

   You rock Emily! I love how you can make sense of it all in the end and I would L-O-V-E if you were my daughters YW leader!

8. suzuyuki says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 3:49 pm

   I hear ya! Seems I always find the inspiration or energy at the VERY last minute. And somehow I am still alive. The time to do it all? Rarely happens. Learning that being slightly late or slightly under-prepared will NOT kill me. Or anyone else. Yet!

9. fletchmb says:
   
   February 9th, 2010 at 6:13 pm

   So I’m afraid this is going to be a depressing comment, though I don’t truly mean to bring anyone down. But your line about how you’re still uncomfortable in your calling after three months made me think of my last calling, which I had for 3 years total in two different wards. (Yes, after moving away from this calling they asked me to do it again. Sometimes I don’t appreciate our Heavenly Father’s sense of humor.) And, sorry to say, I didn’t like it any better at the end of the 3 years than I did at the beginning. It just went against my grain, and there didn’t seem to be any way to change that. I have been released from it now, and am thankful to be on the other side. My point is–I’m starting to think that sometimes participating in the church can be a burden instead of a joy, and maybe those are some of the wilderness times in our lives. I think that during those times our mettle and our commitment to the gospel are really tested, and we know something about ourselves if we come through active and faithful. (Especially, I might add, if you have little children and so get next to nothing out of any church meeting where you are with any of them.) I guess what I’m trying to say is, hang in there. I have lots of sympathy for you in your uncomfortable state and hope it doesn’t last long.

10. Joy128 says:
    
    February 9th, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    What a great post Emily! You had me thinking about your drum cookies when I was reading about the golden cupcakes! “Being the Mom” is my favorite book, and I have given away many, many copies to friends! I am constantly telling myself to stop trying to finish the laundry, and I am regularly telling my friend who is the Primary President the same thing when she is trying to fill teachers for primary classes. Anyway, I too believe that we are given what we need when we need it if we are prepared spiritually and have done our share of the work (which I believe you are and have)! Thank you for posting!

11. stamppad1 says:
    
    February 11th, 2010 at 10:19 am

    I must know… how do you make gold cupcakes? Because as I too think gold is a great color for virtue, it just doesn’t work for me on as well as a nice solid color like say, green or purple do.

12. Emily says:
    
    February 11th, 2010 at 11:13 am

    The local restaurant supply store has a substance called “luster dust” that can be sprinkled on the frosting. I found the best way to do it was to dip a paintbrush in the little tub of dust, hold it over the cupcake, and flick it with my finger to make the dust fall off. They were a huge hit, by the way!

13. Jerri says:
    
    February 13th, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    I loved this post. I’ve been YW Pres for 7 months (no prior experience) and I am finally starting to get the hang of it. I think it’s a matter of getting through the first year and all the new things that come with it. Elder Wirthlin has helped me with him quoting his mother, “Don’t worry, you’ll grow into it.” He likened that to callings that seem to be too much. He tells us that as uncomfortable as it is we’ll spiritually grow so our calling fits. I think it’ll still take me awhile though! By the way, I was pretty stressed out with New Beginnings too and everything went really well (I thought so).

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