Light Refreshments Served

I’m sort of sick of Ellen right now. Even though she has been my most pleasant and best-sleeping baby, she’s turning into a 16-month-old royal pain. Mobile. Curious. Frustrated. Frustrating. She rejects real toys for computers and cleaning supplies. Every day she has a goal to run into my office, climb on the desk, and walk on the printer. She’s very goal-oriented.

I spend much of the day thinking about how she’s such a pain. So it is probably guilt which compels me to write her a tribute of sorts.

Ellen likes to put on her black tennis shoes and walk around in them. She prefers them with all outfits, even when they aren’t flattering (with capris) and don’t match (with navy blue dresses).

She can whistle, so that’s pretty amazing.

When she’s bad she bangs her head on the floor or the wall–anything hard–to show us that she is mad and has not gotten what she wanted (usually a 32 oz of Diet Coke that is trying to hide behind my back). Bang!

She’s fat and confident. I’m so sick of fat people who are down on themselves–get over it!

When it’s time, she just lays in her crib and falls asleep. I didn’t know babies did that. If you didn’t know that either, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’ve probably been doing something wrong at bedtime. Just kidding! Don’t bang your head on the floor.

Ellen has no perception of size. She tries to suck on a (chokeable) doll pacifier and I have seen her back up to a small wooden couch from a dollhouse and try to sit down on it. That’s comedy!

She likes tortilla chips too.

While I’m at it, I feel like paying tribute to my whole family. So here’s to my son Sam who asked me how to get Medicaid because he wants to order a motorized wheelchair and have them pay for it.

And here’s to Maggie who told me (when I made everyone say what they love about me, like I do), “I love you because you get us nice presents–not like a single piece of candy.”

As for Ben? Well, here’s to Ben!

And finally, I pay homage to my husband, Christian, who recently exclaimed at the end of What Not to Wear, “I love how everybody’s pretty–even the fatties!”

And, what the heck, here’s a shout out to my sister, Erin. She called me to make sure she had used the term et tu Brute fittingly because her co-workers were puzzled by the reference. Of course she had used it correctly. But she was somewhat sheepish because days before that she had insisted to the same coworkers that her pronunciation of kowtow as “cow toe” was correct. I mean, really insisted on it. You win some, you lose some. Carpe diem!

And here’s to my dog Ollie for making me chuckle (to myself) when he barks and lunges at joggers on the river trail and they fall over even though I restrain him. I hope he doesn’t bite anyone [else]! Give him props, he may not be long for this world.

Pay tribute to your family today. It makes you feel better for resenting them. Salud!

When tragedy strikes, you never really know how you’re going to react.  It’s hard to anticipate the imagined conversations you will have to have, decisions that need to be made, and emotions that will suddenly surface.  No amount of planning or preparation, however necessary or helpful, will really prepare you for what it is to go through something awful.  This is the state that my family found itself in when, last Saturday, we discovered that Topher’s sister, Stephanie and her husband, Christian, were in a plane crash.

I don’t want to go into the details of what happened.  For that information you can go here or here.

I have been thinking about what I want to write about something so personal on this “light” blog.  I don’t have the benefit of perspective yet, but I have felt so strongly about writing about it, that I can’t ignore it.  I want to talk about the goodness of people.  We have all felt so amazed and humbled by the love that has been expressed.  So many people want to “do something.”  WE want to “do something,” but what we do is wait.  I have read so many blogs and posts about Stephanie and Christian:  how much people love them, admire them, have been inspired by Stephanie and her uplifting blog, and will pray and fast for both her and Christian.  Their stake held a fast. Our family, their friends, distant bloggers, old neighbors, and even their mailman joined together to fast and pray for their family.  Literally thousands of people anxiously sent emails expressing love and asking what they can do for help, and abstained from food and drink in mighty prayer in order to invoke the blessings of heaven.  And we have all felt their love, and it has been overwhelming.

I want to acknowledge how good people are.  I don’t know how to write it completely, in the same way that it has meaning to me, but I feel how kind people are.  I can see how they really want to help, and not in a trite way.  When they say, “What can I do?” or “Is there anything I can do?”  the meaning behind those few words is so strong and genuine that it has a real, comforting power.

It’s interesting being a sister in-law in this situation.  In-laws bring different traditions and ways of doing things to a family.  When this happened, my instinct is to buy treats and goodies, make care packages, and bring people food.  It’s what my family would do.  It felt better to me then sitting at home, waiting.  It seems small, and it is, but when a small offer is combined with others’ service, it is powerful.  That’s what I have learned.  I will never again underestimate the smallest offering:  a phone call, a note, a treat, an email, a meal, a kind word.

They have an incredibly long, difficult recovery ahead of them.  Their four small children don’t fully understand what is ahead of them, but they have several fierce surrogate mother and father figures ready to step in and treat those children the way Stephanie and Christian would want them to.  And, as a mother, that would be my biggest concern.  So when I see so many people reaching out like this, so honestly willing to do whatever is needed, I think that this is the way life’s meant to be, and that it will all work out.  And I wish that everyone felt so loved and so supported.

You never know how you’re really going to react in a situation like this.  My faith in the restored Gospel is strengthened, not questioned.  It is the quiet comfort in the back of my head that keeps my heart from racing, and that calms my mind of the “what if’s.”  It is more of a reality than a theory.  I think more of the pain of the situation than I thought I would, but it humbles me to do something.  It reminds me how each day is a literal gift, and embarrasses me of my so-called list of woes.  The goodness of people has inspired me to do better, and to be better.

Editor’s Note: Many have asked if they could donate to Christian & Stephanie’s recovery. First and foremost we’d appreciate your faith and prayers. If you would also like to donate to their financial welfare, please click on the button below. All funds will go directly to Stephanie & Christian and will help pay for their medical bills as well as their household management as they recover. Click to cjane’s blog for updates.

My grandbabies are in town for the weekend, and getting to spend time with them is like having all the things I loved most about being a mom of small children with none of the hard stuff. It makes me want to cry out to all the mothers of two-year-olds and teens, of sulky grade-schoolers and surly high-schoolers, HANG ON! IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER!

These are my blue-eyed darlings, Rachel and Ben, and inasmuch as the first grandchild gets “naming rights” for the grandparents, my husband and I are “Papa and Ammy.” Already this weekend we have read stories, eaten pizza and grapes, snuggled with blankies, and been treated to a nonstop stream of semi-intelligible, cheery chatter: “I like your pants, Ammy. I like your shirt, Papa. How’s your pizza, Dylan? Good? How’s yours, Mommy? Good? How’s yours, Daddy? Good?” Around and around the table we go, reassured at last after three full circuits that everybody’s food is satisfactory.

This is the payoff, girls. This is the relationship where no one has to hold his or her breath, wondering how it’s all going to turn out. This is a whole new kind of love, one that gives a new dimension and meaning to the concept of eternal families. I think this is what heaven is about.

Kacy: I look forward to this grandparenting stuff. And I have to admit I’m getting a little emotionally dependent on Emily. I need an affirmation from her every day now.

Kristy:  I can’t WAIT to be a Grandma!

My perfect new dog is becoming sort of horrible–he barks and tries to attack people when we go on walks. It’s awful and embarrassing. According to the Dog Whisperer, a good pack leader shouldn’t feel awful and embarrassed if they want their pack to remain in a calm submissive state. I’ve been trying different things with my stupid dog. Because he used to be good, I know that living with us has caused him to become bad. There has to be something we can do to reverse the behavior. He seems to be better when we walk with the stroller. He feels like a guide dog or something. This morning I was walking him with the stroller and I had the leash lightly wrapped around the stroller. . . I think you see where this is going.

The walk started out promising. Ben shouted, “Jerk,” to me from the garage after I made him get his own shoes. Then he cried and yelled at me while I cheerfully strolled ahead–something about a flat tire? Being the good mom I am (you won’t think that in about 10 seconds) I fixed his flat tire. Then he started crying because the chain fell off. So I was fixing that with one hand while I held onto the dog with the other. . . with the leash tied to the stroller that held an unsuspecting one-year-old. And then, as suddenly as the shoes had been forgotten and the chain had come off, Ben threw a stick and yelled, “Ollie–Fetch!”

It was chaos! You can be sure that I would not be writing this if Ellen had been hurt (I keep those secrets). But the stroller did tip over and she cried and Ben cried and Ollie freaked out and it made me cry. The point of this very revealing and emotional story is this: Never tie a dog to a stroller. Pass it on. And P.S. Hi Christian! Hope you have fun out of town this week! Don’t worry about a thing–I’ve got it all under control!

Kristy says:  This is a whole lot of validation wrapped up in a few paragraphs.  As in dogs AND exercise are both apparently of the devil.  See?  Now I could have told you that.

There are two little girls in our ward, a 2^nd grader and a Kindergartner, whose mom is in the military. Last month she had the opportunity to come home for a few days before leaving for Iraq for another year. Her girls were not aware that she was coming home, so she planned to surprise them at school. The school staff was involved in the surprise, so there was quite an entourage that followed this mom first to her 2^nd grader’s class. This roomful of kids had already sent numerous letters and care packages to this young military mom and they now had the opportunity to welcome her home, and despite the intimidating crowd the young daughter ran into her mother’s arms. Next they went to the class of her Kindergartner – when the 5 year-old saw her mother standing there, she ran and hugged and kissed and when she finally pulled back she asked, “Mommy? Does this mean you’re done being a soldier?” If only.

So just remember when you’re sleeping in the comfort of your home and country tonight that not only are there moms and dads, brothers and sisters, and sons and daughters fighting battles and protecting human rights both here and abroad, but they often leave behind their own sons and daughters who also pay a steep price. To say, “Thank You” on this Memorial Day does not seem enough, but we say it anyway in hopes that our gratitude is felt wherever you may be. And may God be with you until we meet again.

Lisa says: What a touching account. I feel for all the men and women who sacrifice for all of us. Thank you for this post!

My daughter turned one on Wednesday–maybe you forgot because you were so busy reading all our posts here at Light Refreshments which was, incidentally, born on Wednesday too. Ellen is perfectly delightful and a real treat considering I almost didn’t have her.

Yesterday we went to the library and I realized she was big enough to sit in the weird little pull-down seat the bathroom stall is equipped with. Yes, what I’m saying is that this is where she sat while I went to the bathroom. Too intimate? Get over it.

I took a picture with my iPhone because it looked (and felt) peculiar to have her just hanging out next to me. Later I realized it’s peculiar because it looks like she’s strapped into some kind of urinal. (She’s not.)