Light Refreshments Served

. . . seven favorite holiday foods I enjoy:

1.  Dark chocolate mint truffles.  Growing up my mother always had chocolate covered cherries on Christmas, so they always remind me of her.  She rarely indulges in things like that, so that was “her treat.”  A couple of years ago I explicitly told Topher that I should have dark chocolate mint truffles every Christmas as “my treat.”  I do indulge more than once a year, however.

2.  Butter.  Real butter is one life’s greatest treasures, don’t you think?  On rolls, in potatoes, on everything.  You can’t have margarine or “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” spray (a Valentine family favorite) on Christmas.  It’s not right.  The only thing better is clotted cream (which is a mixture of butter and cream dancing on a magical cloud), but that’s too hard to make.  

3.  Christmas casserole.  This is that recipe that has bread, sausage, cheese, eggs, milk, etc and you bake it all up nice and gooey.  Topher and I have tried to enforce this foody tradition on our kids, but they hate it.  I gave it up last year in an emotional 9 month pregnant desperate outburst  (There may or may not have been a fight about it.  There may or may not have been tears. . .over eggs, sausage and cheese, people.  Don’t underestimate the power of food to a pregnant woman.), but it still reminds me of Christmas and I still love it.  I might try it again in a few years as my children’s palate becomes a little more sophisticated, or, then again, I’ll probably just set out some cinnamon rolls and call it good.  (It’s like this recipe here)

4.  Trifle.  It’s so Christmasy and English and reminds me of our lovely Christmas in England.  If I could just get my hands on some Bird’s custard, it would be perfect.  Using vanilla pudding instead of the real custard (I know, I know I could make it, but it takes so many eggs. . .and time and tempering and stuff like that) is like using generic butter spray (see #2) instead of real butter.  I might try this lemony one.

5.  Warm breads.  This is the time to bake.  Or thaw that pre-made, frozen dough.  That’s what Christmas is all about, Suzi.

6.  Toffee.  I don’t think I have toffee (covered in chocolate, of course) at any other time of the year.  I’m going to have to really rethink that.

7.  Cran-Raspberry juice with Diet Sprite.  I love this combination.  Trust me on it, even the diet soda part.  Combine it with a lot of pebble ice and well, you’re welcome.  We had it all the time growing up and that’s what I want to drink on Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I’m not even getting paid by Sprite to say that (although I would gladly take their money.  Or a six pack.  Or seven.)

Dear Makers of “A Taste Of Thai: Pad Thai Noodles”:

 In what mad burst of whimsy do you suppose that the purchaser of your “Quick Meal–Ready in 4 Minutes” intends to share this bowl of noodles with someone else? If it actually contains two servings, why do you promote (right on the carton) an ancillary product labeled “Pad Thai for Two”? Just how many servings does THAT container contain?

I see right through you, you know. I know that you just don’t want to admit in print that this is a nearly-500-calorie lunch. By suggesting that a “serving” really only has 240 calories, but that you can’t control it if I choose to be a glutton and ingest the entire carton, you seem to be making a feeble attempt to absolve yourself of responsibility for my weight. It’s not going to work. I bought the lunch. I nuked the lunch. And I’m eating the lunch–the whole thing.

I hope you can sleep tonight.

–An Aggrieved Consumer

P.S. I’m topping it off with one “big cookie.” Calories per serving: 150. Servings per container: 4.