Light Refreshments Served

Well, it’s back to school for my kids tomorrow and the first day of preschool for Hugh all rolled up in one! This summer has been the fastest of my life, and probably one of the most fun. My kids are getting older and they like to play together, which helps, as well as leaving the country. That helped give me some perspective and gave me time to miss them. ANYWHOO, “the project” has been a fun part of this summer and we had our final meeting at Chadders in Provo (there’s one in American Fork as well). It was a good one to end on and we liked it so much that when Topher finally returned from his month abroad and demanded a really good American cheeseburger, and so we returned two weeks later when he came home because it was my favorite. . .and that should be review enough, right?

From reading LRS, you’d think all I do is go out and eat burgers! Well, you’d be a little right. But it’s so much fun having a burger and fries with a purpose. It validates me and makes my opinion seem more important than it is which I’m all for. Topher told me, “It’s like having you ‘birthday lunch’ every week. . .” fun friends and all, and it’s kinda true. Maybe everyone should start bringing me presents. Oh, now that’s ridiculous! (is it?)

Tommy Burger has a great reputation, but I didn’t care for eating outside on picnic tables or paying $0.40 to refill my drink. It’s common knowledge that restaurants and movie theaters make a killing on their pop, and if I’m paying over a dollar for syrup and some carbonation (sweet, bubbly excitement!), I think I deserve at least one free refill. Besides, I fill my cup up more than half way with ice! Shouldn’t that account for something?! I like justice. I’m pro-justice when it comes to eating out, that’s all I’m saying.

Jenny (Celebrity Specialist) sez: Tommy’s would be enjoyed by Anthony Kiedis. You know, ‘cuz the chili. (This was a tough one.)

Amelia (Stylist/Design Expert): If they charge 40 cents for refills…I don’t care how the place looks. And also…what do they do for seating in the winter? Or do they just shut down? Oh, and…AND even though it’s not my area, I think Tommy’s had the best fries. Mmmm, crispy…

It’s Tommy Burger!

Christian goes in for his refill. Don’t worry, he paid for it.

Dr. Valentine insists everyone use his punchcard. No one refuses (Shauna, however, wears dark glasses).

A good look at the kid table. Hi Jenny!

Lisa (Fry Expert): Any place that gives you a generous cup of fries and then just pours another cup right in the bag, for good measure, is allllright with me! 5 Guys gives you the choice of regular or cajun fries, and I like the weight and “real potatoey flavor” of the regular (to steal the phrase from Amelia). The fry sauce is thick and traditional. And one large order of fries fed me and all my children, which is no small feat.

Stace (Mood/Feeling): If you’re looking for a burger joint with high energy and super tasty burger and traditional fries for you and your family then Five Guys burgers and Fries is for you! I love these big, beefy burgers and Big fries (one small order of fries easily feed me and my three kids) because they satisfy every yearning I have for a good old fashioned burger and fries, at a reasonable price and worth every penny. The one down side….no milkshakes. Two warnings; don’t be scared off by the long line they move quickly and it can be crowded and noisy (like downtown New York!) so listen carefully for when they shout your number!

Hailey (Shake Specialist): I was 0 for 3! But I loved that bacon cheeseburger!

Jenny (Celebrity Spotter): Guy Fawkes, Guy Trundle, Guy Ritchie, Guy Francis, and Seth McFarlane

Brett (Hip/Coolness Factor): Any truly hip person knows that, even while keeping up on trends, you should keep some classics in your arsenal. Items such as 501s, white shirts, a solid blazer, khakis, a few cashmere sweaters and Chuck Taylors can always be worn to give a timeless feel to your look. Now, I’m not a fashion expert by any means (my wife will attest) but I have always been drawn to the classics. I think that is part of the reason I love 5 Guys Burgers and Fries. It’s the “classic” version of burger joints. It’s not kitschy or quaint. It’s not an ambience attraction. It’s not popular-because-it’s-always-been-there either. 5 Guys is just … timeless. You walk in and you feel like you have been there before and like it’s been there forever. The design, presentation and menu is just … simple, comfy and familiar. Just like a pair of old jeans only it tastes much much better.

Overall, our food was good, but the visit with friends felt anxious and short because the place is so darn loud! It was difficult finding seats together and then hearing the person next to you. So while I’d recommend the food, I wouldn’t recommend it as a place to sit down and visit with friends.

Kacy seems happy with her soda selection, don’t you think?

(I’m surprised that my Dad didn’t write up about the cleanliness of the bathrooms of the establishment, but that might be because he was too busy wiping down the counters.)

I forgot my camera, so thanks to Amy for the photos!

One of our summer goals was to eat out at local burger places with friends and rate the food, decor, and cleanliness of the establishment (that’s for you, dad!) Just so you know we’re not all talk, here we are with our first post about a new local Utah burger joint, Stumpy Burger. I brought along some specialists. Each has their specific job and each gives their own specific little review.

Topher (Burgers): I really wish I had enjoyed my Stumpy burger a little more. I’m sorry to be Natty Negative. But the patties were really smashed together and shapeless. I really enjoy it when my patties are rounded. You know, like they have been freshly sliced off of the cow. Also, the oddness of the size and the texture of the meat were not helped by the carcass of a dead raccoon that someone had tacked to the wall. I know I wasn’t eating a raccoon, but it still gave me that “not so fresh” feeling. The proprieter of Stumpy’s was a real sweetheart. He was super nice to my kids, and that’s not something everyone can do. But he recommended this sauce called “Stumpy Sauce” and I did not enjoy that. Maybe someone else has already commented on this? It’s basically fry sauce with a lot of horseradish. I think it was supposed to be a super awesome surprising sauce that really packs a lot of flavor punch. But when you bit into your hamburger it just didn’t do anything. Remember when Bastian finally got to fly on the back of Falkor the luckdragon in The Neverending Story? Well, this wasn’t exciting like that at all.

Lisa (Fries/Fry Sauce): I think I should state, right off the bat, that I love a good skinny fry (ala McDonalds, if you must know). Stumpy’s fries are in between the “regular” skinny fry and the steak fry. They’re bigger than the Wendy’s fry. (Is this information useful to anyone?) So, I wasn’t crazy about the fry (what are you–fat or skinny? steak? homecut? Define yourself!) My main complaint, however, was that there weren’t enough of them. Am I contradicting myself? Yes, I am. Stumpy does, however, set itself above the rest with it’s own special sauce, for burgers and fries, made of horseradish, cayenne pepper, and mayo. It had a kick. People were dumping it all over their burgers and fries–they loved it.

Hailey (Shakes/dessert specialist): Since the Stumpy people informed me that they did not yet have shakes, I had to sample three different kinds of pie instead. I know, it’s rough, but someone had to do it. I really enjoyed the richness of both the Coconut Cream and Chocolate pies, but the Fresh Strawberry was too sweet for me (although, not for my two-year old.) All three slices were generously sized, so I appreciated that!

Jenny (Celebrity Analysis): It seems obvious that the first celebrity to fit in at Stumpy’s is Ted Nugent, sitting directly under the dead raccoon on the wall (the onions on his burger are not grilled; whether or not the meat on his burger is grilled is debatable). Ben Affleck sits at the table with the electronic gambling game (seriously, Ben? Yahtzee?). Who’s that standing in the corner? Why it’s Steve Martin and Ed Helms! Not eating burgers, but engaging in a friendly round of Dueling Banjos! And last but not least (no, really. Ted Nugent is least.), Heather Mills.

Amelia (Decor/Style): Stumpy’s decor left me (sorry about this) stumped. Some of it made sense. Pine tree garlands at the door and around counters, stuffed raccoons for sale, painted stars in the navy blue sky overhead, tree stumps, Stumpy’s. Got it. I even got the suspended canoe full of stuffed raccoons overhead that I assume were navigating the Missouri River. But not getting the Ikea graphic fabric panels on the walls (twisted and hung in odd configurations) and modern light fixtures. Close, but no cohesive concept. I’d lose the panels and install some jigged out tree shapes to fill the walls instead. Cheap to do, makes much more sense and still maintains the kitchy Mom and Pop factor that makes Stumpy’s the new cool place to eat.

Brett (Hip/Coolness Factor): Stumpy Burger has its look and feel down pat. They know their brand and that brand is raccoons. Now, raccoons, aka “coons,” aren’t currently recognized by the Hipster Foundation of America as cool but there may be just enough irony in the decor (pelts), presentation (furry tails on staff) and soundtrack (Ozark-style bluegrass) to attract them. Stumpy’s downtown location alone gives it points for coolness. (The truly hip rarely enjoy chain restaurants in strip malls.) The establishment may not have an old Nintendo set-up or blast Grizzly Bear, St. Vincent or Radiohead from the speakers but Stumpy Burger is “cool” in that they know who they are and embrace it.

Stumpy Burger is looking for artists, which is interesting. The owner was really nice. Extremely friendly and brought my kids otter pops at a crucial time in the dining process (the end). The place was full. “Jumping,” if you will.

Here’s Kacy saying “See you next time!”