When tragedy strikes, you never really know how you’re going to react. It’s hard to anticipate the imagined conversations you will have to have, decisions that need to be made, and emotions that will suddenly surface. No amount of planning or preparation, however necessary or helpful, will really prepare you for what it is to go through something awful. This is the state that my family found itself in when, last Saturday, we discovered that Topher’s sister, Stephanie and her husband, Christian, were in a plane crash.
I don’t want to go into the details of what happened. For that information you can go here or here.
I have been thinking about what I want to write about something so personal on this “light” blog. I don’t have the benefit of perspective yet, but I have felt so strongly about writing about it, that I can’t ignore it. I want to talk about the goodness of people. We have all felt so amazed and humbled by the love that has been expressed. So many people want to “do something.” WE want to “do something,” but what we do is wait. I have read so many blogs and posts about Stephanie and Christian: how much people love them, admire them, have been inspired by Stephanie and her uplifting blog, and will pray and fast for both her and Christian. Their stake held a fast. Our family, their friends, distant bloggers, old neighbors, and even their mailman joined together to fast and pray for their family. Literally thousands of people anxiously sent emails expressing love and asking what they can do for help, and abstained from food and drink in mighty prayer in order to invoke the blessings of heaven. And we have all felt their love, and it has been overwhelming.
I want to acknowledge how good people are. I don’t know how to write it completely, in the same way that it has meaning to me, but I feel how kind people are. I can see how they really want to help, and not in a trite way. When they say, “What can I do?” or “Is there anything I can do?” the meaning behind those few words is so strong and genuine that it has a real, comforting power.
It’s interesting being a sister in-law in this situation. In-laws bring different traditions and ways of doing things to a family. When this happened, my instinct is to buy treats and goodies, make care packages, and bring people food. It’s what my family would do. It felt better to me then sitting at home, waiting. It seems small, and it is, but when a small offer is combined with others’ service, it is powerful. That’s what I have learned. I will never again underestimate the smallest offering: a phone call, a note, a treat, an email, a meal, a kind word.
They have an incredibly long, difficult recovery ahead of them. Their four small children don’t fully understand what is ahead of them, but they have several fierce surrogate mother and father figures ready to step in and treat those children the way Stephanie and Christian would want them to. And, as a mother, that would be my biggest concern. So when I see so many people reaching out like this, so honestly willing to do whatever is needed, I think that this is the way life’s meant to be, and that it will all work out. And I wish that everyone felt so loved and so supported.
You never know how you’re really going to react in a situation like this. My faith in the restored Gospel is strengthened, not questioned. It is the quiet comfort in the back of my head that keeps my heart from racing, and that calms my mind of the “what if’s.” It is more of a reality than a theory. I think more of the pain of the situation than I thought I would, but it humbles me to do something. It reminds me how each day is a literal gift, and embarrasses me of my so-called list of woes. The goodness of people has inspired me to do better, and to be better.
Editor’s Note: Many have asked if they could donate to Christian & Stephanie’s recovery. First and foremost we’d appreciate your faith and prayers. If you would also like to donate to their financial welfare, please click on the button below. All funds will go directly to Stephanie & Christian and will help pay for their medical bills as well as their household management as they recover. Click to cjane’s blog for updates.
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Kacy says: Thanks for your perspective, Lisa. My mind keeps racing and thinking about the worst parts of this crisis. I think a big part of having faith is to NOT dwell on the agonizing details and to focus on the kindness you've seen and the blessings and miracles that are happening. I had a Nie moment Monday where I was inspired to get a tasty dinner going in the crockpot for a first-day-of-school dinner for my kids. It was BBQ ribs and after six hours or so it was disgusting! I had smelled it all day and couldn't bear to eat it. I ended up at the KFC Drive-thru. I kept thinking, "I'm no Nie." But she inspires me anyway. PS I haven't cleaned out the crockpot--I bought a new one at Big Lots and I'm throwing the old one (gross ribs and all) into the garbage. DON'T TELL NIE!
Kristy says: I love how you say you will "never again underestimate the smallest offering", because in situations like this they are the only thing we have to give. It leaves us feeling helpless and meek, which I suppose is where we need to be if we are to truly witness God's healing power which will assist both those who lost their beloved Greg, and those who will help nurse Stephanie and Christian back to health. A long road indeed, but you (and they) won't be going it alone.
Emily says: Thanks for the brave post, Lisa. Although it made me unbelievably sad, I also feel profoundly moved and encouraged by the community of caring. It makes me feel less alone in a sometimes lonely world.